Life Continues

Our lunch dates dwindled to non-existent and I had to shift our visits to the home as dad could no longer physically get up and out of the house anymore. During the last two years of his life some major events took place.

Marlee graduated from high school in June of 2014 and moved to the bay area with her brothers in 2015. Both Kyle and Kory were pursing an education at Saint Mary's College in Moraga, Ca. She decided to attend the Jr. College there with her focus on dance as a major. Mariah moved into her own apartment here in town. Unfortunately she suffered a 3rd and final ACL injury which ended her soccer career. She is gifted in other areas so she was able to find passion in art and photography. The artistic gene runs deep in our family blood and Mariah is no exception. She has been able to make this passion a lucrative business while finishing out her bachelor's degree at Fresno State

Kyle graduated from Fresno city college with an AS in Business and went on to graduate from Saint Mary's College with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Philosophy and a Bachelor of Science degree in Business. Kory graduated the year before Kyle with his Bachelor of Science degree in Business. He is currently living and teaching English in Madrid, Spain. Both boys hope to attend Law School sometime in the near future.

Colby is now a Freshman at Clovis North High School. While at Granite Ridge Intermediate he auditioned for his first musical and landed the lead role as Simba in the Lion King. My dad would have been beside himself over this accomplishment. I know he was watching from above and loving every minute of every performance.

My niece, Stephanie and her husband Travis had twin boys on September 15, 2014. Patrick Logan was born at a whopping 2lbs. 14oz. and Dylan at 1lb. 11oz. Dylan was with us for a short time before the Lord took him home. Although we knew the odds ahead of time I don't think you are ever prepared for this kind of loss. We are a strong family, but this was almost more than we could bear. The only comfort is knowing my dad is with Dylan and they are probably the best of buddies.  I am so grateful that my dad got to know Patrick in his final months. Stephanie was an attentive granddaughter always offering to help with my dad's care. She would bring Patrick out often to visit and Patrick became fascinated with my dad's wheelchair and walker. My dad looked forward to his visits and you could visibly see his spirits lift when Patrick toddled into his room. This became a bright spot in his day. Therapeutic really. Sean Micheal was born December 21, 2016. Patrick's baby brother is the first family member to be born after my dad's passing. My dad would have been thrilled to know another baby boy was added to the family.

Tony and Jen continue to live at the coast. Meadow is now 8 and Amelia "Millie" is 4. Tony creates beautiful pieces for the home from authentic artifacts collected from all over the world while Jennifer creates living art for the home and garden. Again that artistic gene coursing through the family blood.  Tony came to see his grandfather and be with him in his final days. I know my dad felt his presence  as he asked about him often and had a sense of peace about him while he was there.

Joe and I moved into a Condominium close to Colby's school after my dad passed away. Although the commute was difficult and he was disconnected from friends for a while this was a small price to pay to spend everyday with grandpa or "Doo-Too", as the kids called him, in his final years. Joe continues to work at the Railroad as an engineer and I work for Fresno Pacific University as a Marriage and Family Therapist.

Cindy and Dan continue to live with my mom. Dan had to stop working as his knee and shoulder injuries along with back surgery left him disabled. Cindy works Part-time and they spend the majority of their days enjoying the benefits or semi-retirement and their four beautiful grandchildren. 

My mother never left my dad's side. His daily care took it's toll on her physically and emotionally however she refused to hire help insisting that she was "fine" and "could take care of my dad better than anyone else." I have to admit she is an incredible nurse and she was probably right, however, I was concerned that the process might kill her in the meantime. She is an incredibly strong woman and managed to continue working almost full time while also caring for my dad every minute she was home. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to lose someone who has been your partner for almost 60 years. Her work as a nurse has been her saving grace. She continues to work full time at Saint Agnes Medical Center and I am thankful she has a career that she loves and people she loves to work with.

It has been almost a year since my dad passed away. The harsh reality of Parkinson's disease is this...it robs you of your ability to live while allowing you to be fully aware of this fact. Trapped in your own body and unable to care for yourself you become dependent on others to help you walk, eat, go to the restroom and care for your basic needs. This was my dad's realty for the last two years of his life. Our lunches slowly dwindled to non-existent. It became too difficult for him to get up and out of the house. I shifted my visits to the home and eventually in May of 2014 Joe, Colby and I moved in with my mom to offer extra helping hands with my dad's daily care.  Dan did the lion's share of caring for my dad during the day. He was his care provider in the final months of my dad's life. He continued to push my dad towards independence. He wasn't willing to accept the inevitable and it was evident in his frustration with the disease process. My sister, Joe, and I provided extra helping hands when we got home from work. My mom provided my dad's care all night long. Between the 5 of us we cared for my dad until his final days. He passed away peacefully on January 14, 2016 at Saint Agnes Medical Center with most of his family by his side.

Our Last Hoo-Rah!

As my dad's illness progressed we were no longer able to meet for lunches. It became too difficult to manage and my dad became disoriented and agitated. This was agonizing for me because I believe in living life to the fullest each day. I knew my dad's time was limited and dang-it! I wanted him to have as many good days as possible. You can understand my enthusiasm when Marlee had her first college dance recital. I wanted my dad to see it and I knew he would want to see it as well. Nothing brought him greater joy than attending his kid's and grandkid's performances. My mother, on the other hand, was a wreck with worry over how we were going to make the trip happen. She knew the logistics of transferring him in and out of the car, and in and out of bed was not going to be an easy task, but I insisted that we would be fine. We had the help of four strong boys and I was determined to make my dad's final months, perhaps years, as participatory as possible. With a bit of planning and a lot of back and forth my mom agreed to make it happen. We made the trek to Lafayette, Ca. to visit Kyle, Kory, Marlee and Marlee's boyfriend, Mike with my dad, mom, Mariah, Colby and Mariah's boyfriend at the time, Steven. My dad was a trooper and although it was difficult to transfer him the boys made it seem like a piece of cake. There was a sweet moment when my dad reached out to Kory like a small child would reach for his father trusting him with his very own life. It was sweet and sad to watch all at the same time. My dad clung to every moment the recital offered and was sharp enough to notice that his granddaughter "wasn't in enough numbers" to his liking! I was surprised although not so surprised that he noticed the same thing we did. The dance department at Diablo Valley College is not near as good as the dance we were used to seeing Marlee do in the Central Valley. Despite what one would think the Central Valley has superior dance compared to that of the East Bay Area. This was disappointing and the reality for Marlee has been frustrating. We made the best of the recital and supported her as our family always does. After the recital we all went to eat at the restaurant Marlee Hostesses "Lucille's BBQ". Mom and I sat at the end of the table with my dad and helped him with his meal. It was difficult to manage because he had become increasingly agitated and confused. What would start out as a simple activity such as eating or visiting would become a battle or an argument. It wasn't dad's fault. It was the disease. The trip home was much more difficult than the trip up. Dad became so confused that he thought we were taking him somewhere against his will. Something as simple as a quick stop at a gas station became a severe trigger of confusion for my dad. We eventually made it home exhausted and emotionally beaten. Mom and I agreed that we would try to make home seem like an adventure for dad. Walks around the back yard and trips to the mailbox or out on the front porch were about as far as dad could handle traveling. This was his "Last Hoo-Rah". Although it broke my heart it was a reality. Below are some pictures of dad in his final years.