Life Continues

Our lunch dates dwindled to non-existent and I had to shift our visits to the home as dad could no longer physically get up and out of the house anymore. During the last two years of his life some major events took place.

Marlee graduated from high school in June of 2014 and moved to the bay area with her brothers in 2015. Both Kyle and Kory were pursing an education at Saint Mary's College in Moraga, Ca. She decided to attend the Jr. College there with her focus on dance as a major. Mariah moved into her own apartment here in town. Unfortunately she suffered a 3rd and final ACL injury which ended her soccer career. She is gifted in other areas so she was able to find passion in art and photography. The artistic gene runs deep in our family blood and Mariah is no exception. She has been able to make this passion a lucrative business while finishing out her bachelor's degree at Fresno State

Kyle graduated from Fresno city college with an AS in Business and went on to graduate from Saint Mary's College with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Philosophy and a Bachelor of Science degree in Business. Kory graduated the year before Kyle with his Bachelor of Science degree in Business. He is currently living and teaching English in Madrid, Spain. Both boys hope to attend Law School sometime in the near future.

Colby is now a Freshman at Clovis North High School. While at Granite Ridge Intermediate he auditioned for his first musical and landed the lead role as Simba in the Lion King. My dad would have been beside himself over this accomplishment. I know he was watching from above and loving every minute of every performance.

My niece, Stephanie and her husband Travis had twin boys on September 15, 2014. Patrick Logan was born at a whopping 2lbs. 14oz. and Dylan at 1lb. 11oz. Dylan was with us for a short time before the Lord took him home. Although we knew the odds ahead of time I don't think you are ever prepared for this kind of loss. We are a strong family, but this was almost more than we could bear. The only comfort is knowing my dad is with Dylan and they are probably the best of buddies.  I am so grateful that my dad got to know Patrick in his final months. Stephanie was an attentive granddaughter always offering to help with my dad's care. She would bring Patrick out often to visit and Patrick became fascinated with my dad's wheelchair and walker. My dad looked forward to his visits and you could visibly see his spirits lift when Patrick toddled into his room. This became a bright spot in his day. Therapeutic really. Sean Micheal was born December 21, 2016. Patrick's baby brother is the first family member to be born after my dad's passing. My dad would have been thrilled to know another baby boy was added to the family.

Tony and Jen continue to live at the coast. Meadow is now 8 and Amelia "Millie" is 4. Tony creates beautiful pieces for the home from authentic artifacts collected from all over the world while Jennifer creates living art for the home and garden. Again that artistic gene coursing through the family blood.  Tony came to see his grandfather and be with him in his final days. I know my dad felt his presence  as he asked about him often and had a sense of peace about him while he was there.

Joe and I moved into a Condominium close to Colby's school after my dad passed away. Although the commute was difficult and he was disconnected from friends for a while this was a small price to pay to spend everyday with grandpa or "Doo-Too", as the kids called him, in his final years. Joe continues to work at the Railroad as an engineer and I work for Fresno Pacific University as a Marriage and Family Therapist.

Cindy and Dan continue to live with my mom. Dan had to stop working as his knee and shoulder injuries along with back surgery left him disabled. Cindy works Part-time and they spend the majority of their days enjoying the benefits or semi-retirement and their four beautiful grandchildren. 

My mother never left my dad's side. His daily care took it's toll on her physically and emotionally however she refused to hire help insisting that she was "fine" and "could take care of my dad better than anyone else." I have to admit she is an incredible nurse and she was probably right, however, I was concerned that the process might kill her in the meantime. She is an incredibly strong woman and managed to continue working almost full time while also caring for my dad every minute she was home. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to lose someone who has been your partner for almost 60 years. Her work as a nurse has been her saving grace. She continues to work full time at Saint Agnes Medical Center and I am thankful she has a career that she loves and people she loves to work with.

It has been almost a year since my dad passed away. The harsh reality of Parkinson's disease is this...it robs you of your ability to live while allowing you to be fully aware of this fact. Trapped in your own body and unable to care for yourself you become dependent on others to help you walk, eat, go to the restroom and care for your basic needs. This was my dad's realty for the last two years of his life. Our lunches slowly dwindled to non-existent. It became too difficult for him to get up and out of the house. I shifted my visits to the home and eventually in May of 2014 Joe, Colby and I moved in with my mom to offer extra helping hands with my dad's daily care.  Dan did the lion's share of caring for my dad during the day. He was his care provider in the final months of my dad's life. He continued to push my dad towards independence. He wasn't willing to accept the inevitable and it was evident in his frustration with the disease process. My sister, Joe, and I provided extra helping hands when we got home from work. My mom provided my dad's care all night long. Between the 5 of us we cared for my dad until his final days. He passed away peacefully on January 14, 2016 at Saint Agnes Medical Center with most of his family by his side.

Our Last Hoo-Rah!

As my dad's illness progressed we were no longer able to meet for lunches. It became too difficult to manage and my dad became disoriented and agitated. This was agonizing for me because I believe in living life to the fullest each day. I knew my dad's time was limited and dang-it! I wanted him to have as many good days as possible. You can understand my enthusiasm when Marlee had her first college dance recital. I wanted my dad to see it and I knew he would want to see it as well. Nothing brought him greater joy than attending his kid's and grandkid's performances. My mother, on the other hand, was a wreck with worry over how we were going to make the trip happen. She knew the logistics of transferring him in and out of the car, and in and out of bed was not going to be an easy task, but I insisted that we would be fine. We had the help of four strong boys and I was determined to make my dad's final months, perhaps years, as participatory as possible. With a bit of planning and a lot of back and forth my mom agreed to make it happen. We made the trek to Lafayette, Ca. to visit Kyle, Kory, Marlee and Marlee's boyfriend, Mike with my dad, mom, Mariah, Colby and Mariah's boyfriend at the time, Steven. My dad was a trooper and although it was difficult to transfer him the boys made it seem like a piece of cake. There was a sweet moment when my dad reached out to Kory like a small child would reach for his father trusting him with his very own life. It was sweet and sad to watch all at the same time. My dad clung to every moment the recital offered and was sharp enough to notice that his granddaughter "wasn't in enough numbers" to his liking! I was surprised although not so surprised that he noticed the same thing we did. The dance department at Diablo Valley College is not near as good as the dance we were used to seeing Marlee do in the Central Valley. Despite what one would think the Central Valley has superior dance compared to that of the East Bay Area. This was disappointing and the reality for Marlee has been frustrating. We made the best of the recital and supported her as our family always does. After the recital we all went to eat at the restaurant Marlee Hostesses "Lucille's BBQ". Mom and I sat at the end of the table with my dad and helped him with his meal. It was difficult to manage because he had become increasingly agitated and confused. What would start out as a simple activity such as eating or visiting would become a battle or an argument. It wasn't dad's fault. It was the disease. The trip home was much more difficult than the trip up. Dad became so confused that he thought we were taking him somewhere against his will. Something as simple as a quick stop at a gas station became a severe trigger of confusion for my dad. We eventually made it home exhausted and emotionally beaten. Mom and I agreed that we would try to make home seem like an adventure for dad. Walks around the back yard and trips to the mailbox or out on the front porch were about as far as dad could handle traveling. This was his "Last Hoo-Rah". Although it broke my heart it was a reality. Below are some pictures of dad in his final years.

Jewels

I have got to find time in my week to sit down and write!  No excuses...but...uuhhhh...it all goes by way too, fast and I find myself reeling from the busy-ness...clawing for bits and pieces of time.  Time to do treasured things like write, and read, and soak up the company of loved ones.  Time is a funny thing when you think about it.  We all want it and loathe it at the same time.  It is our best friend and our worst enemy.  Though I haven't posted in six months...I Have spent time with my dad.  We have gone to lunch probably a dozen times and with each lunch I cling to our time together.  We just celebrated dad's 77th Birthday.  On one of our recent lunch dates I asked my father what he wanted to do for his upcoming birthday.  He, without hesitation, said..."Cattleman's!"  So...Cattleman's it was.  We were missing a significant chunk of our family (Kory, Travis, Tony, Jen, Meadow, and Amelia) and the hole was definitely ever present throughout dinner, however, we had a great time celebrating my dad. 

Dad decided that he should order the 32 oz. steak.  I thought my mom was going to have a heart attack when they brought it out.  She proceded to banter with my dad about the size of the steak and how it was ridiculous that he ordered such a huge piece of meat.  I had to laugh and then remind my mom that it WAS his birthday and that he could always have the leftovers for lunch tomorrow and, well, for that matter, dinner as well!  The reframe seemed to settle my mom's irritation. None the less...dad didn't do too shabby at tackling the monstrous steak.  He was a happy cowboy. 

  The 32 oz.

Kyle and Steph

 

 

Pictured right: Suzi and Colby

On our Lunch With Dad date a few weeks back I decided to set some goals for the year with my dad regarding the things he wanted to accomplish in 2013.  Among them were trips to the mountains and the California Coast.  Dad seemed happy to set these goals.  His face lit up when I mentioned the idea of spending Christmas in the mountains.  I think I know what we are doing come December :) 

Ending the blog here doesn't seem right withoug first mentioning our beloved

San Francisco 49ers.  As you can see my dad is wearing a 49er sweatshirt...but not just any 49er sweatshirt!  It is one of only 4 that Sports Authority received, and how Joe managed to nab it up before it even hit the glass case it was supposed to be displayed in, is a mystery!  It's a thermal sweatshirt with the current Superbowl displayed across the front.  A one of a kind.  Perfect for a one of a kind guy!  Dad and mom spent Superbowl Sunday with Joe, Colby, and Dan at our house feasting on steak and bacon wrapped shrimp while Marlee, Mariah, Stephanie and I headed to Monterey Bay for our traditional Supergirl Sunday.  Although our Niners didn't win we celebrated our favorite team anyway.  I'd have to say it has been a pretty fantastic year for San Francisco.  We are faithful to our home by the bay :)  San Francisco will always be home. 

 

 

On another Lunch With Dad back in October...dad reminisced about Seal Stadium and how he watched his first Giant's game there.  He was just a kid.  Not more than 10 years old.  He said he remembers when the Giant's first came to San Francisco from New York.  He remembers watching Candlestick Park being built from the foundation up!  Dad described in great detail how they filled in the land to create a base for the stadium.  He shared memories of working as a kid at the stadium for extra money.  Apparently the seats were very uncomfortable, so cushions were sold for fans to use as a remedy.  Dad said the kids were paid 10 cents per cusion to gather them up and turn them in to the stadium officials at the end of each game.  Dad laughed as he recalled horsing around with the cushions.  He and his freinds would gather them up and then toss them off of the balcony seating area only to watch them sail to the ground below.  He said they got in a lot of trouble for that, but he managed to steer clear of getting caught.  Sounds like my dad.  he does have an ornery side to him ;)  At the end of the day the kids would collect their money and then go to the local store to buy baseball cards.  It amazes me when I think about all that dad has seen and done in his lifetime.  He is a treasure chest full of knowledge and experience.  I am grateful for the jewels I manage to pluck and share here on Lunch With Dad.  

Memory Lane

I cannot believe it has been almost three months since my last Lunch with Dad post.  Of course dad and I have continued to have our lunches together, and we have celebrated several family milestones since my last post including Mariah's graduation from high school, My sister's birthday, Kory's 22nd birthday, two dance recitals, a second ACL surgery for Mariah, a wonderful visit from my nephew Tony and his beautiful family and I am sure several other important events I will remember later in this post.  Work has increased, so free time for me has decreased significantly.  I am not complaining...work is good...especially in today's current climate, however, it does cut in to my time with dad.  Sometimes I wish I could stop time and tend to those luxury items like spending time with loved ones.  It is really a catch 22 in a sense.  I wonder what the independantly wealthy do with all of the free time? I know what I would do :)  Enough day dreaming.


Dad and I went to Logan's Roadhouse last Friday.  Now that work has leveled out I have carved out that time again to spend with dad.  Dad wasn't sure he was going to make it...it was a scorching 109* in Fresno/Clovis and the heat is hard on him.  He decided to try and weather it (pardon the punn) and so we treked across the city in search of a good steakhouse.  We went to Outback Steakhouse first figuring that this was close and I could take him home when we were finished.  I should have thought ahead and either called or got out of the car myself to check, but...I didn't.  We parked and I helped dad out of the car.  We made our way to the front of the restaurant where we discovered that the restaurant was closed until 4pm.  This might not seem like such a big deal...but the Parkinson's has really taken a toll on my dad's body.  It was all he could do to get back to the car.  I felt terrible.  Why didn't I think to hop out and check before getting him out into the heat!  Lesson learned.  Dad, as always, was a good sport and insisted that we find a place to eat.  We headed to the Riverpark area where everything is open all of the time.  Although I knew it was open...I still went in and checked first before getting my dad out and in the heat again.  We were seated quickly and I believe we were one of two tables in the entire restaurant so the service was quick.

  

Onion Petals

                           Hot Buns

Now, a few weeks ago mom and I drove Marlee to San Francisco so she could catch a 9:50pm flight.  Unfortunately, dad could not go with us as it was just too long of a trip for him to make at this stage in his illness.  Marlee's destination was Cedarville University in Ohio.  Here she would attend Camp Electric, a Christian camp for young people who aspire to be in worship ministries.  We met up with Kory at Pier 39 and had dinner together at a sports cafe before sending Marlee off.  Mom, Kory and I spent the night in a motel on the penninsula.  Sunday we had breakfast at the Milbrae House of Pancakes and then toured our old stomping grounds San Bruno, Millbrae, Burlingame, San Mateo, Brisbane, and Bayshore.  We visited every home I lived in, where my mother worked when I was young, the PG&E sight where so many homes were destroyed in San Bruno, my dad's childhood home, my mom's childhood home, the grammar school where they met among many other memorable locations.  There are so many memories tucked in the streets and corners of these cities that dot the penninsula. 

Having Fun at Pier 39

Captain Kory and Uncle Marlee

 

Kory Potter

                                                                      Brotherly Love
                                                               Saying Goodbye at SFO


While sitting with dad and enjoying our lunch I asked him if my mother had shared with him all of the places we visited while we were in the Bay Area.  Dad said he thought she had, but I decided to share anyway.  In particular...memories of 4-H.  Dad loved his involvement with me in 4-H.  I told him that we visited the farm, but it appeared that most of the animals were gone.  Mostly agriculture lined the farm and a few chickens poked out of the fences when we drove up to the gate. It was my dad's greatest joy to work with the kids in the large animal program helping them get their Steer and lamb ready for show at the San Mateo County Fair.  It was on this old dirt road to the farm where I learned to drive.  Dad would let me drive his truck up and down the road every day.  I told dad that the farm was just a shadow of its former self, but it looked like there was still some life left.  The school my sister attended from K-6th grades was now surrounded by a military compound which dwarfed the school.  It was almost unrecognizable.  The Artichoke Joe's at the end of San Mateo Ave. is now a huge casino and Lullaby Lane is completely gone.  Dad had questions of his own which I tried to answer, but most of them were questions from his memory that dated before I was born, so I told him he would have to ask mom when he saw her later.  Our trip through Brisbane and Bayshore was nostalgic.  I showed Kory where I learned to ride my first two wheeler on the street where my great grandmother Jesssie lived and where my dad spent most of his childhood.  We drove through Brisbane and squeezed down the narrow and windy streets to where my mother grew up, and past the grammar school where dad met mom.  Kory loved every minute of it and we had so much fun sharing it all with him.  It was bittersweet to go back.  So much has changed...run down homes, different buildings, more people and more cars...it's just as well that dad stayed home.  Preserving the memories he has of these areas was a better choice.

Milbrae House of Pancakes

A Family stlye pancake house that locals adore. This restaurant was a favorite of mine growing up. Just a couple of blocks from my High School, we would often frequent this place for lunch and an occasional 4th period extended lunch ;)






                                           

                                       

                                             

Dad's childhood neighborhood just blocks away from the Cow Palace.

Above Pictured: Momma Jessie and Pop's house in Bayshore

Dad's house just two door's up from Ma Jessie's

Dad's cousin Neil's house two blocks over

Bayshore Elementary

With just two tables in the restaurant to serve, we were finished quickly so we decided to grab some ice cream before heading to my house.  Dad was exhausted.  He slept until my mom came to get him after work.  It was so nice to spend time with my dad again.